Living Free
by loss4words
Summary: Bella lives a plain life, devoted to family and the Ordnung.  She never thought that there could be anything, or anyone, that could ever make her want to leave everything she knew and loved, behind.  Will the stranger she meets help her change her mind?
1. Wildflowers

**A/N – I wrote this for the Fics For Nashville fundraiser and am finally getting around to posting it. I had to dissect and split this baby up because it is about 40 pages long…a doozy. This is my first stab at PG-13, I know, you're scared, aren't you? I need to give my thanks to Project Team Beta for running this thing through transit lickity split so I could get it turned in on time, you guys are amazing. Also, thank you so much to the lovely SingleStrand for re-betaing this for me after the fact…I owe you my first born child. No wait, he's five now, and you can't have him, you have your own on the way ;) Thank you so much to SweetVenom69 for holding my hand through this and cracking the whip (by telling me to quit reading and start writing) Thanks bb! And thank you to the lovely aylah50 for helping me rework this into a multi-chap. This is COMPLETE – in case there is any confusion. Thank you for reading!**

**Thank you to shabbyapple over on Twilighted for her amazing, speedy work!**

**Disclaimers, etc: I am not Amish and do not know all of the rules of the Amish. I researched many topics while writing this, but of course, cannot be completely accurate as I have not lived as an Amish person. If you see something that is not accurate, I apologize in advance. Also, I do not own Twilight or any of these characters, they belong to SM. **

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Chapter 1 - Wildflowers

I'd always had ideas growing up - big ideas. Ideas that got a young Amish girl into trouble. I was the youngest of three daughters, which had always pained my father, Charles. He needed a son to help him in the fields. Often times, the work load he had to bear was lessened by some other Amish boys; the ones that would most likely marry my sisters, Rosalie and Mary-Alice.

When I was in the last year of my schooling -eighth grade- I came across a book that I didn't think was intended for my eyes. It talked about big college universities, where young people in the "English" world went to learn even more after their initial schooling. This type of reading material was not meant for Amish children. I found out too late that it was not appropriate to ask my father about college.

My mother was in the kitchen preparing a large lunch for the family, and for the two boys helping my father in the fields. She had her back to me and was stirring something inside of a large pot over the wood stove. There were tendrils of her long brown hair escaping her bonnet and sticking to her neck in the humidity of the farmhouse kitchen.

"Mama? Can I ask you a question?"

I moved to the table in the middle of the room and began to knead the dough that sat on it. My mother didn't look at me, but kept her attention on whatever she was stirring in the pot.

"You may ask me a question, Isabella, as long as it is a question worth asking," she replied.

As I kneaded the dough, I thought about what she had said. Was my question a question worth asking? Would I do anything with the information once learned? No, I wouldn't, because I was Amish, and Amish children - especially girls - did not go to school after the eighth grade. It wasn't because we were not smart enough to go beyond that, quite the contrary, but our mothers and fathers needed our help at home - in the kitchens and out in the fields. We took care of our younger siblings when needed - but most of all, we obeyed our parents - and through them, God.

I didn't ask her the question, but instead kneaded the dough until it was ready to bake. After the dough was cut and separated into the baking pans, I cleaned myself up in the wash basin and went in search of my father. I asked him many questions daily, and most often was given an answer. He wasn't an analytical person and always gave me straight-forward answers.

Later that day, I politely interrogated my father in an attempt to get the answers I wanted. I asked him what college was; however, I really wished I hadn't. My father began to rant about unnecessary education, value of children in the family, and the importance of serving God and family. He preached at me for almost two hours until he was blue in the face. He demanded I tell him where I had heard about college and then that I never speak about it again.

I should have known better than to ask my father about it. Too late, I remembered that his sister, my Aunt Esme, had left the Amish community to attend college. We didn't speak of her much anymore since she was shunned, but I had always wondered about her after she had left. There were always rumors going around about her, that she married an abusive man, that she was an alcoholic or addicted to drugs, that she was paid to have relations with men. I could never find it in myself to believe any of them; that wasn't anything like my Aunt Esme. It made sense that my father would feel so strongly about college; he lost his sister to it.

~0~

My work day started early in the morning; I rose at the same time as my mother, which tended to be before the sun was up. My sisters were allowed to wake up a little after me, but their chores and responsibilities were different than mine. First thing in the morning, before I ate breakfast, I went to the barn and fed the cattle, horses, goats, and chickens. I never minded being up that early in the morning; I was much like my mother in that way.

There was something about the early morning, before the sun rose but after the crickets and frogs quit singing, that always made me feel at peace, content. The air whispered its secrets in the breeze and truly felt as though God were alive in the grass underfoot.

When I crept into the barn, the animals immediately heard me and welcomed me in their respective calls. If I took too long in getting them their food, they would let me know by nudging me or grunting at me, but I was quite proficient and they didn't need to nudge me often. About the time that I finished up, the sun was rising and the birds started their chirping. Their morning songs filled my ears as they, too, started their day.

Most of the others in the house were up by then, and before they started their day, we ate breakfast as a family. The family included Emmett and Jasper, the two boys that helped my father in the fields every day and who my mother predicted would ask for my sisters' hands in marriage some day.

My sisters had already gone through their Rumspringa, or "running-around," a couple of years ago; they were both preparing to go through their baptisms soon and were being courted by Emmett and Jasper. Mary-Alice told me about their adventures outside of the farm and outside of the Amish lifestyle with wild animation, while Rosalie listened with what only seemed like bored amusement. She rolled her eyes at most of the stories our sister told, but there were a couple of times her lip quivered as she fought off a smile. I hadn't ever thought about experiencing Rumspringa. From what I understood, it was a time for the Amish kids that were preparing to be baptized to have an opportunity to be crazy for a while. They could go out into the "English" world and have fun - do things they couldn't do as Amish kids – before they committed their lives to God, the Ordnung, and their families. The thought of going out into the world frightened me.

"The English world can be fun for a little while, Isabella, but it gets old. Those people out there are emotionless, and they do not realize the importance of family and structure, and most importantly, of God," Rosalie advised me. She had always spoken and acted like she was a fifty-year-old woman. She also thought it was her job as my older sister to "protect" me. What she thought she was protecting me from, I wasn't sure. Mary-Alice was older than me as well, but she had never found it necessary to protect me as Rosalie did. Mary-Alice was more of a cheery person, not quite as morose as Rosalie.

~0~

"May I go pick some wildflowers today, Mother? All my chores are completed and father and the boys have left to go help out over at the Stanely's."

"Where will you be picking them from, Isabella? I do not want you wandering too close to the pavement. Those automobiles drive by much too quickly; you could be killed in an instant." My mother knotted her hands in the white linen towel she was using to dry a large pot.

"You do not need to worry about me, Mother. I am going to go to the pond first and then walk toward the back of the property, only over by the dirt road," I reassured her.

"That should be fine, but do not stay out all day. The sun is hot and you are too pale to stay out for long. I do not know how you stay so pale, Isabella. Wear your wide-brimmed bonnet," she instructed me, then turned back to the wash basin to finish her cleaning.

"Yes, Mother," I replied as I made my way up to my room to fetch my other bonnet.

I secured my bonnet to my head and slid my shoes onto my feet. Through the summer, my feet were mostly bare, but the walk to the far end of our land tended to be rocky at times. My feet were strong, but there was always something out in the fields that could cause them damage.

I stepped out of the house and walked out to the barn, retrieved my woven basket, and began my trek to the back of our property. I had intended to stop at the little pond before I gathered my wild flowers, but the day was warm, and I figured I would need to cool off on my way home. I instead curved my path around the pond area and its trees, and made my way toward the end of our property line.

Most of the way there, I was able to walk on the perimeter of the field, to avoid the tall cornstalks that normally whipped at my face and arms. Closer to the fence line, the grassy edge ran out, so I had to walk through the tall corn stalks to reach my destination.

I emerged after only a few short minutes of walking in the corn and dropped my basket on the other side of the fence. The walk there took almost an hour, and by the time I arrived I was quite heated, where sweat beads pooled on my upper lip.

I left out the detail of my actual location to my mother because it would have worried her. If she'd known that I was going to the back part of our property and over the fence near the road, she never would have let me go. If it were a different road in the area, she wouldn't have worried so much, but that road was different from all the others. Not that the road tended to be a busy one, quite the contrary, it was dirt and used mostly by Amish, but there were some automobiles that traveled it, and that was enough to make my mother fear it.

I walked and picked flowers for a little while and made some distance along the ditch. My back began to ache from bending over for so long so I looked for a spot to sit down and rest a while. I situated my hat so that the sun wouldn't shine directly on my face and closed my eyes.

I dreamt of nothing, but it was a peaceful sleep, until I was rudely awakened by someone practically falling on top of me.

"Ouch!" I yelled as I felt a shot of pain run up my ankle. I quickly sat up with the intention of rubbing my foot and ankle, but met with resistance when I cracked heads with another person. I moaned and fell backwards as I clutched at the pain in my forehead. I forgot about my ankle.

"Oh, shit!" A velvety voice moaned from beside me. A curse word. I was sure I'd just heard a curse word. The owner of that voice couldn't be Amish. A respectable Amish man wouldn't swear, at least never in the presence of a woman.

"I'm so sorry. Are you alright, Miss?" he asked as he stood up.

I didn't say anything, _couldn't_ say anything. I was frozen in place with fear and I quickly looked down into my lap and clasped my hands together. I closed my eyes for a few moments and hoped that the English man would get the hint and leave me alone. He didn't. I opened my eyes and looked around me before I finally rested my eyes on the man. I could tell he was older than me, but by how much, I wasn't sure. I had seen some English people in my life, some would come to the farm wanting to buy something or for some other matter, but I had never spoken to one. We were taught not to speak to the English, and when it was necessary for us to be out in the general population with them, we spoke Amish Dutch instead of American English.

The man standing before me rubbed his head as he stared at me. He looked worried, and slightly confused. "I'm so sorry. Please, tell me you're okay," his voice pleaded with me.

Some part of me felt like I should be frightened of the man. I knew nothing about him; he was a stranger who had tripped, fallen over me, and then bumped heads with me. Everything about him was foreign to me and I knew he held none of the beliefs I did. My head told me that I needed to flee immediately, but the rest of my body told me something else.

I stayed where I was.

"I am okay, although, my head hurts, as does my ankle." I reached down to rub at it and saw his hand reaching toward it as well. I quickly pulled my legs away from him and closer to my body.

He quickly retracted his hand and muttered, "Ah, I'm sorry. I'm a fish out of water here."

I didn't understand the phrase and cocked my head at him, in question. "I don't understand. 'A fish out of water?'"

"It means I'm not sure of the proper etiquette in this situation. This is new to me, I've never spoken to the Amish...that's what you are, isn't it?"

I nodded my head at him.

"I'm just, trying to be respectful. Truly, I'm so so sorry. I'm working on the electrical box over there and my instructions got away from me in the wind. I ran after them not looking where I was going and trampled right over you. Please...please tell me you aren't hurt. I feel absolutely horrible," he begged me as he kneeled down beside me.

His face was no longer in the sun and it was the first time I was able to get a good look at him. He was something like I had never seen before. I knew I lived a sheltered life, but I was sure that my eyes had never seen beauty like this in a man before. I was used to manly men that grew thick beards and had sun wrinkles creviced into their skin. I could think nothing of this man, but that he was pretty...and kind.

"I am okay. Truly. You needn't worry. Are you okay?" I asked, now worried after his well-being.

He tsked, "I'm fine, but I think I've lost my instructions. I'll need to call dispatch and have someone bring me out a copy. Excuse me for a moment," he excused himself and walked off a couple of feet. He pulled out a small black square, flipped it open, and pushed a few buttons on it. He then held it up to his ear. My guess was that it was one of the small portable telephones that the English carried around, but I had only seen one once before. I'd heard Mary-Alice and Rosalie speak of them from their running around time, too.

After a few moments Edward came back and sat down a few feet away from me in the grass. He advised me that the "dispatch" had told him that they did not have the information he needed to continue his work for the day, so he was able to take the rest of the day off. That was a foreign concept for me as my father and the boys that helped him _always_ had work to do. I understood that it had to do with the English ways, but I was still a little dumbfounded.

"I've been rude. My name is Edward Masen. It's a pleasure to meet you..." He held out his hand and waited for me to respond.

I was tongue-tied for a moment, then let out a hysterical laugh. _ Masen like a masen jar? _And did he actually want me to touch his hand? I was nervous and unsure, but I also knew that I was being rude. I looked around me one more time and saw no one.

"My name is Isabella Swan. It is nice to meet you as well," I responded and slowly raised my hand to meet his.

He slowly took my hand in his and as he did, I looked around me again, making sure I would not get caught. I knew that if anyone saw me I would get into trouble for talking with a stranger, an English stranger. As I turned back to look at him, I also saw that he was staring at me intently. That was when I noticed the tingling in my palm. I quickly took my hand back and Edward smiled at me a little.

"Bella. I like that name," he told me as he nodded and settled more comfortably into the grass next to me.

"No, Isabella," I corrected him.

"Nah, I think Bella suits you better." And from then on, I was Bella - at least to my secret English friend.

We talked for hours about all kinds of things. Edward had several questions about my dress and bonnet as well as how many things on our farm were run. He couldn't believe we didn't have "running water" and electricity. I explained that our lives were simpler without them, and we lived our lives just fine without all of those things. He told me about many things in the modern world, but mostly, I asked him about college. Ever since I'd found that book in grade school, I had been intrigued. I shamefully admitted to him that there were days I simply dreamed of doing nothing but reading. He listened to everything I said, and answered my questions the best he could.

After some time had passed, I took notice of the sun's placement in the sky. I knew that I had better begin my walk back home. Edward glanced at what he called his "cell phone" and made a little "humpf" noise. I looked at him in question.

"Time has flown by, it's already almost two in the afternoon," he said as he put his arms behind him on the grass. He was laid back, looking quite relaxed.

I suddenly had a bubble of nervousness in my stomach. "Oh my! I'm sure I must be late. I must be getting home. Mother is going to be a nervous wreck," I mumbled the words quickly as I rose from the ground and began to brush my clothes off. I stood up and grabbed my basket, noticing that my flowers had wilted under the sun.

As I lifted my foot to put on the fence and lift myself over, I felt a feather-light touch on my forearm. I looked up at Edward.

"May I help you, Bella?" He held his hand out to me.

Somehow, nothing seemed to come to my mind in the form of an answer. I should have said 'oh no, I do this all the time, I'm fine' or 'no need to, I do well at this,' but instead, I let him grip my forearm and help me over the fence. He then picked up my basket that I had set on the ground and handed it to me, but he didn't let go.

"I will be here tomorrow again, Bella. Will you come and visit with me?" he inquired. He stared directly into my eyes and I felt something stir in my stomach.

I quickly looked away and gave my basket a little tug. "I'm not sure I should. This isn't allowed. But...I will try, Edward," I told him and quickly disappeared into the corn.

Once I made it to the grassy area, I began to run. My mother was going to be furious with me for being out so long. She would be worried sick. The odd thing however, was that I desperately wanted to do it again tomorrow, whether it brought me trouble or not.


	2. Last Day

**A/N: I should clarify that this entire story was a one shot, and I merely broke it up into parts to make it post a bit easier. :) See full story notes on the first chapter. Thank you for reading!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. They belong to SM.**

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Chapter 2 – Last Day

My mother was_ furious_ with me for returning home so late. It took me the usual hour to return home, but when I had walked into the kitchen, the place was in an uproar. She had needed my help getting supper ready, along with getting the bread baked, as we were expecting four more people for supper that evening. I apologized profusely and told her that I had fallen asleep and hurried back as quickly as I could. I hadn't known that we were having extra guests over for supper and that it would take longer than usual to prepare the meal. I felt guilty telling a lie to my mother, but I couldn't tell her the truth, I knew that. Especially if I wanted to go back there tomorrow. Although, I would have to think of a different excuse as the wildflowers obviously wouldn't hold up.

To make it up to her and get back on her better side, I ate my dinner quickly and began clean-up in the kitchen before she had a chance to. I finished all of the dishes, even with the extras, and prepared the dough for the next day's bread. I needed her to let go of her anger so that I would be able to have some free time the next day...and hopefully the day after that, too?

As I prepared the dough for baking, my mind wandered to Edward Masen. There was something about him that seemed so different. Obviously, everything about him was different, but I found myself wanting to spend more time with him. Me, the introvert, who kept to herself and was shy to a fault. I had never been one to crave the company of others. I had always preferred the solitude, the quiet - at least up until now it seemed.

As I buttered the tops of the bread dough, my mind wandered even further to the mess that was Edward Masen's hair. I had never seen hair that long on a man before, and styled like that - if you could call it a style. It looked like more of a mess than anything. When Edward had first run me over and then checked to see if I was alright, he'd had a red paisley handkerchief on his head hiding his hair, but as he had become more comfortable, he had removed it. I'd almost laughed when I first saw it, but had held it in, as that would have been rude. I couldn't deny that part of me wanted to touch it, and that astounded me.

My mother came in just as I was putting the dough in the oven to bake. I immediately began to clean up the mess I had made for the next day's breakfast preparation.

"Isabella, you cleaned up the kitchen for me?" My mother sounded quite surprised.

"Yes, Mother. I wanted to apologize for being late this afternoon and help clean up the mess from tonight's supper," I replied. It was mostly honest. I also wanted to get on her good side so she would allow me to pick flowers the next day. Well, that was what I planned to tell her I would be doing since the flowers picked earlier in the day had wilted.

And so went the next twelve days. Except for Edward's non-working weekends, I met him at our special place every day. I made up various excuses to be gone from the farm for extended periods, which my mother never questioned, but I also made sure that I was doing plenty of extra work to keep her happy. She was never found wanting in regards to needing help from me and that kept her satisfied with my chores and my desire to work.

I began to grow dependent on my time with Edward. I couldn't quite figure out what it was that was so intriguing about him. He had his beauty, and he was very kind to me, but that wasn't necessarily something that was different from Amish boys. He was older than me, and he knew so many things about the world around him. I knew that it intrigued me, but still, it was him that lured me there everyday.

On our thirteenth day together, he told me that the next day would be our last. He was done with this job and had to move on to another.

"Could you possibly get more time away tomorrow, Bella?" He asked me after finishing a drink from his canned beverage.

"I'm not quite sure. I will have to get up a little earlier than usual, but that shouldn't be a problem. I will ask my mother to wake me when she gets up. That will be about an hour earlier than I usually do. How much more time are you requesting?" I asked. My heart sped up a little at the acknowledgement that he wanted to spend more time with me.

"Tomorrow is our last day. I want to do something special. I..." he stopped and looked down at the grass. "...I don't want to go to another job, Bella. I want to come to this job every day for as long as possible, so I can continue to see you."

He said the last part very quickly and my brain translated it a few moments after he said it. "Oh. OH! I, ah..." I stumbled and bit my lip as I tried to sort out what was in my head and what I felt in my heart. I knew I felt the same way he did, but could I tell him that? Would it make a difference? I decided it didn't matter, he deserved to know.

"I feel the same way, Edward, but where does that leave us?" My lip trembled and I felt my eyes beginning to well. I didn't want to cry in front of him, but I couldn't fathom never seeing or speaking to him ever again. I had to do something.

I looked into his face and watched his eyes change from fear to...compassion?

"Hey there. Please don't cry, Bella. Shhh," he crooned.

He moved to hug me, and instinctively, I backed away. "Sorry," he said. He held his hand out to me, palm up.

I looked at his hand for a few moments. I studied his long, beautiful fingers that had a bit of dirt under the nails, but were still quite delicate. I wanted to feel his skin, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard our preacher prattling on about sins of the flesh. Could touching Edward's hand be considered a sin of the flesh? I knew that if he was Amish and we were courting, it wouldn't be, so it couldn't be with Edward.

I slowly slipped my hand into his. The things I felt inside of me at that moment were unimaginable. The only way to explain is to say that I suddenly felt...at home.

"Oh, Bella. I can't explain what I'm feeling right now, and I'm afraid to scare you away, but I can't bear to be away from you. The weekends that I have been at home and not working have been torture. Not being able to see you and speak to you - it was unbearable. I want…" he dropped off and buried his face in the hand that wasn't connected to mine.

He said it so low that I barely heard him.

"I want to spend more time with you. Even just a tiny part of every day means so much. You've become important to me, Bella."

My heart quickened and I felt as though my body, my flesh and bones, would jump out of my skin. This man made me feel so alive, when I hadn't known that I was dead to begin with. I had to take a leap, and tell him that I wanted him too. Where that would leave us or me, I wasn't sure. What I did know, was that I couldn't just let him walk away and never lay eyes on him again. He had changed my life, my world, and I would never be the same again. The life that I was brought into, I had been content with for the last seventeen and a half years, was no longer what I wanted or needed. I could no longer be complacent.

I turned to face him and with strength I didn't know I had, I took the hand not holding his and put it under his chin. I lifted his face so I could see his eyes, and saw that he too, had tears of his own.

"I want…" I paused, searching for strength in his eyes. "I want you as well, Edward, but I am scared of what that means for me, and for you."

Before I realized what was happening, Edward had me crushed to him in a tight hug. I panicked a little, knowing that I should pull away, but I felt secure in his hold, safe. I let my head fall to his shoulder; I was surprised at my own bravery, or maybe it was stupidity. My nose lay in the crook of his neck and shoulder, just above his collar bone. The smell of him was intoxicating and I knew that it was going to be hard to let him go. I didn't want to let him go, I wanted to do whatever I could to give us a chance.

I knew what that meant. It meant that I had some very important decisions to make, and that my mother was going to be heartbroken, because with that one embrace, I knew my decision was made.

When I returned home that night I dove into my chores with a renewed vigor. I wanted more time to say goodbye to Edward tomorrow. As I worked in the barn, mucking the stalls and getting the animals settled in for the night, I reflected back on my time with Edward. Never in my wildest imagination had I ever guessed that all this would happen. Not only that I would meet an English man and actually have the nerve to speak to him, but also that I would grow to like him. I had never been able to speak to a man so openly and feel like his equal. We both liked to read and spoke of some works that we had both read. The list was short, as my list mostly reflected biblical stories, but there were still some topics that I was able to pick his brain on, and topics that we were able to share thoughts on.

It felt liberating. I _felt_ something for Edward; something that James or Jacob - the two boys that wanted to court me - had never made me feel. It was something tangible, something that, now that I had felt it, I never wanted to let go. Edward made me feel important, special. I knew that feeling this way would get me in trouble with my family and in my community. All Amish people had a goal in life to blend in with all others surrounding us. We didn't want to stick out or be different. We all wore the same clothes so as not to draw attention to ourselves. Our sole attention was to be given to God, and when we were married, it went first to God, then our spouses, and then our children. We worked for our families and for the community.

As I brushed Bridget, our field horse, I remembered the feel of my hand inside of Edward's. Like it had when I actually felt it, my heart sped up and I felt a little heat on my neck. I remembered the things that went through my mind earlier today when we were saying our goodbyes. Edward had begged me to meet him the next day. I had promised him I would do everything in my power to be there. He had actually taken the day off of work so that we could have extra time together. He'd helped me up from the grass and as I'd stood up, I had lost my balance. He'd quickly moved to catch me and had grabbed me around my waist. For a short moment, we had been so close; I had looked up at him and seen him staring back at me. There had been something in his eyes I'd seen, but couldn't name, but I could recognize it, because it was how I felt. What had that been? What was it that I had felt? Part of me knew that I liked Edward and that I wanted to spend more time with him. But there was also a small part of me that kept asking "what if." I wasn't sure about all the rest, but I wondered if he had been thinking the same things. He'd helped me over the fence just as he had done everyday, and had kissed the top of my hand when I was over. Quickly, before I'd turned and left him, he'd leaned in to my ear and whispered, "Until tomorrow."

Tomorrow indeed.

Before bedtime, I finally worked up the nerve to flat out lie to my mother. I felt bad that I was going to do it, but I knew there was no other way, not if I wanted to say goodbye to Edward tomorrow. She was in the kitchen, preparing one of the meals for the next day.

"Mother, would it be alright if I walked over to the Mallory's? Lauren has been ill and although we have differences at times, I would like to offer her some of my reading material for the duration of her sickness. I know she must be tired of her own material by now," I asked, doing my best to maintain a normal tone through my blatant lie. I hated lying to my mother.

"Oh, Isabella, that would be very kind of you. Will you stay to offer her company for a while?" my innocent mother inquired.

"I think I must, Mother. I'm not sure she has had much company since she has fallen ill. Will it be an inconvenience to you if I stay with her for a length?" I asked and secretly prayed that she wouldn't mind.

"Not at all, Isabella. I think that would be a wonderful thing for you to do. Stay and visit with her for a while, but if you could, please be home before the sun begins to set." My mother turned to the oven and began to stir a large pot of something.

"Won't you need help with supper, Mother?" I asked, not really wanting the answer, because it could lessen the amount of time I'd have with Edward.

"I will get Rosalie or Mary-Alice to help me. What time do you plan to leave?" she asked as she stirred, her back to me. It made it easier to lie to her and I felt horrible about that.

"I will leave after my morning chores are done."

~0~

I ran most of the way to our meeting place. When I finally arrived, I was out of breath and sweating under the late morning sun. I didn't care. I didn't want to miss a minute of my time with Edward.

When I emerged through the corn, he was there waiting for me. He helped me over the fence, but instead of sitting like we usually did, he remained standing. A part of me worried that he had changed his mind, that he didn't want to spend any time with me and was just going to go home. Before my worries grew too strong, he spoke.

"How long do you have today, Bella?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"I have to be home by early nightfall. I had to lie to my mother, but this is our last day. It's important," I explained. He nodded in understanding.

"There is somewhere I would like to take you, but," he paused and looked around, "we have to drive," he finished quickly. He looked at me, waiting for me to respond, and swallowed hard. I watched his Adam's apple bob.

I couldn't ride in a car, could I? My sisters had told me of times when they had ridden in cars, during their Rumspringa. I wasn't in my running around; I knew there would be trouble for me if I was seen. I started to shake my head 'no'.

"Wait. Don't say no. Look, there is a backseat in my truck, and the windows are dark. You can crouch down in the back and I promise, you won't be seen. Where we are going, there won't be other people to see you there with me. I promise, Bella. I wouldn't expose you like that," he pleaded with me.

I watched his eyes and they searched mine. While he waited for my answer, I contemplated what would happen if I were caught. I would get into a great deal of trouble. But, at the same time, I had never done any running around. While my mother had always been happy about that, my father had always told me it made him nervous. He wanted me to experience the sins of the outside world so that I could see how perfect our life was.

Thinking about it wasted our precious time together. I took a deep breath.

"Alright. I will ride in your truck, in the back seat," I told him. I was rewarded with a breathtaking smile.

Edward quickly grabbed onto my hand and the small basket I had brought along, our lunch. He quickly tugged me toward his truck that was parked directly in front of the large shed he had been working on the past several days. The brush in the ditch was thick and before I knew what he was doing, he had picked me up and lifted me over it. I squealed in surprise and Edward chuckled. He quickly tucked me into the backseat of his truck, shut the door, and ran around to his door. He placed the picnic basket on the seat beside him and turned the vehicle on.

"The drive is mostly along gravel roads, Bella, so we will not have to worry about a lot of traffic, but the drive should take ten to fifteen minutes," he informed me.

"Okay." It was all I could muster; I was so nervous and excited. I had butterflies fluttering around in my tummy.

Approximately fifteen minutes later, Edward parked his truck and shut it off. We were in a secluded area that I had never seen. There were no other automobiles or signs of life around. He opened the door for me and I stepped out of it like it was on fire. It had been a quiet ride, the truck made few noises, but the power of the automobile frightened me. I was accustomed to the clop-clopping of horse hooves, not the purr of an engine.

"Where are we?" I asked him.

"This is my land. My grandfather passed away a few years ago, and left me his house and land. I had the house torn down, it was in bad shape. But one day, I plan to build my own house out here," he explained.

"I am sorry for your loss," I sympathized. I had lost my Oma four years ago, but I still held the pain of her loss within me.

"Thank you, Bella. He was a good man, but he was quite sick. It was his time to go. Come on." He grabbed my hand and picked the basket up with the other.

We walked for a ways, and I imagined it had to be close to a mile. I was used to walking, so my feet were not bothered, but my legs began to grow tired from trying to keep up with Edward. His legs were much longer than mine. After a bit further, he finally stopped. He set down the picnic basket and looked at me.

"Wait here for a minute, I'll be right back."

I nodded instead of responding, I was a tad winded. I looked around me for the first time since we had started walking and realized that we were in a wooded area. There were rock walls sparsely spread out around us as well as large boulders. I climbed up and sat on the largest boulder as I waited for Edward.

After a few minutes, Edward called my name. I stood up, picked up the picnic basket, and began to walk toward him. Once again, I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I was nervous, but also excited. A part of my mind kept reminding me that today was our last day together, and that I was being foolish, but I ignored it.

Edward came out through the trees and took the basket from me. He held his hand out and I quickly took it, noticing that the woods grew thicker. We didn't speak as we walked, and as we grew closer to what I assumed was our destination, I began to hear a roar.

"What is that loud noise?" I asked him.

He kept walking, but turned around and gave me a crooked smile that made my insides feel odd. I continued to follow him and just seconds later, he pulled us out of the dense woods and to our destination. He walked off to the right of me, but I could only focus on what was in front of me.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "Oh my! It's so beautiful, Edward. So, so beautiful," I told him. "This is _yours_?" I asked him, in pure astonishment.

He smiled at me and nodded his head quickly. I looked at him and he was staring at me intently. He lifted his hand and motioned to something to the right of me. A large quilt was laid out on the ground along with a few small pillows. He had set the basket in the middle of the blanket. I must have been entranced by the scenery for longer than I thought.

I made my way over to the edge of the blanket, removed my shoes, and sat down. Edward did the same, and then pulled open a small, plastic cooler. From it he pulled two bottles of water.

"I bought them in a hurry this morning. I hope this is okay," he asked me, unsure about the plastic.

I figured it didn't matter, since I had already broken quite a few rules. I took the bottle from him that he had opened for me and began to drink, quite piggishly, I had to admit. When I finished I looked over and saw him staring at me again with a large smile on his face.

We ate our lunch mostly in silence. Sometimes Edward would offer me little bits of information about growing up in the city, but then escaping here, to his grandfather's farm. I laughed at him when he called it a farm and he argued that it was the closest thing to a farm he had ever been on.

When we finished, we packed the remnants of our food and garbage back into the basket. Edward stood up from the blanket and walked over to me, leaving his shoes on the ground. He held his hand down to me and as I took it, he pulled me up to him.

"Come on, lets get a little closer," he suggested. He began to walk, pulling me behind him. He didn't walk too fast this time; he took his time and pointed out rocks or tree limbs for me so I wouldn't step on them with my bare feet.

He walked us along the pool that the waterfall fell in to. Up ahead of us, I saw a group of large rocks that sat close to the falling water, but not directly in it. Edward pulled us over to them and helped me climb up onto one of the large boulders. I could feel the light mist of the water as it danced upon my skin. Edward pulled himself up onto the boulder and sat beside me.

"This is the most amazing thing I have ever seen, Edward," I told him. It truly was. I had never felt such joy, nor seen such beauty.

"I found this place when I was seven years old on the day that my mother died. I wanted to be alone, and I wandered away from the house, needing to be away from all the commotion, all the people. I found this, and it was like I was with my mother again. Like this was a gift from her to me, to let me know that she was always with me," Edward said, as he looked out over the waterfall.

I felt my eyes beginning to well; I didn't want to cry in front of him, but his words and the way he felt and the fact that he had lost his mother at such a young age had me so emotional. Just as the first tear slipped down my cheek, he looked back at me. I felt embarrassed that he had seen me cry. It wasn't my place to cry, but I couldn't help it.

He lifted his finger to my cheek and slowly trailed his finger where the tear had flowed. "Why are you crying, Isabella?" he asked. The sound of his voice saying my full name brought only more tears.

How could I bear to lose him? This man, this wonderful man, had shown me things I never knew existed, without ever leaving that grassy ditch on the other side of the fence from my farm. He made me feel things I never knew I could. He made me want more, and that scared me, because what if he didn't feel the same way? What if he didn't think of me like I thought of him, every single day? Did he dream of me like I dreamed of him?

I began to cry harder, finding it impossible to stop. Edward gathered me up into his arms and held me close to him. At first, I left my arms at my side, afraid to touch him - but I wanted to touch him, needed to touch him. I let my hands fist in his shirt at the sides of his torso. I felt him put his mouth on the top of my head, felt his warm breath on my hair. I felt the small kiss he left on my scalp.

"I know, Bella. I know," he whispered to me over the roar of the water.

He knew? What did that mean? Did that mean that he, too, was conflicted about what was happening between us? He pulled away from me for a second and internally, I panicked a little. Did he not feel about me that way? Almost immediately he pulled me back to him and onto his lap; he had lowered himself to the boulder.

"There has to be a way, Bella. There has to be. I know that we haven't known each other for very long, but you make me feel different. When I'm with you, I feel like more, like I want to be more, for you. I don't know where that leaves us. I live out there and you...you don't," he said quickly and without taking a breath.

I turned to look at his face. I'd had my nose tucked into my favorite place on him, the crook of his neck, where I found the most comfort. When I looked into his eyes, they searched mine, my face, looking for the answer he needed. I knew how he felt. I was doing the same thing, making sure that what he said, he was sure about. I knew he was.

"Oh, Edward. I couldn't be happier with your words, but I don't know what to do. I mean, this is my life and I have to be bapti..." I didn't finish. That was our answer.

"What?" Edward asked me loudly.

I thought about all the stories my sisters had told me, all the stories that the girls in my bible study had told me over the last couple of years. The stories of their Rumspringa. I knew it was the only way. There was no other way I would be able to convince both my mother and my father to let me go out in the world, unless it was for my running around, and in preparation for my baptism.

I felt the smile slowly spread across my face and almost from a distance, I heard him asking me, "What?"

"Rumspringa," was all I said.

"Rum what?" Edward asked, confused.

"Rumspringa. It is the term for 'running around' for the Amish. Before Amish children devote themselves to God and the Amish way of life, they have a chance to go out into the world and have fun and experience the "English" ways of life. Few decide to stay in the modern world, but most come back and go through with their baptism. I never really think about Rumspringa, because I was always so sure that I wouldn't stray from our lifestyle. I have God and I have my family. Up until now, until you, I didn't believe there was anything else for me," I explained to Edward. I grew a little sad at the thought of leaving my family. Could I do this?

"Rumspringa," Edward deadpans, this time sounding less confused and more confident. I felt him jostle under me and he stood up with me still in his arms. "Just a second, I'll be right back," he quickly said as he ran off of the boulder and toward our picnic area. I stood as I waited for him to come back.

Edward was back in under a minute and as he got closer, I could see that he held something small and black in his hand. He found his place on the boulder and pulled me down onto his lap once more. I couldn't see the item in his hand anymore.

"I kind of brought something today, to give to you. I wasn't sure you would want to contact me ever again, whether it would be easier for you if we just had a clean break and celebrated our time together, or if you would want to find some way to speak to me again. Honestly, I would have been heartbroken if you wanted the clean break, Bella. You have made a place inside of me, and without you, it sits vacant. I don't want to lose you, so, I brought this to give to you." He brought his hand out in front of both of us and showed me the item. I had seen them before, one of the boys that had courted Mary-Alice once had had one; I knew that it was a cell phone. I grew a bit scared. If that thing went off or something and one of my parents heard it, I would certainly be punished harshly.

Edward flipped the little top of it open and I could see a black screen and lots of buttons with numbers on it. It was smaller than the one my sister's friend had carried. He pressed a button on the thing and the screen lit up. I felt my eyes bug out a little and an exasperated giggle erupted from me.

Edward went into explanation mode. He explained that it was a prepaid phone, and that as long as I kept it off until the first time I wanted to call him, the phone wouldn't ring at all. He also told me that the battery shouldn't go dead, at least, it wouldn't as long as I didn't wait a ridiculous amount of time to call him. He gave me a worried look after he said that but I smiled and reassured him that I couldn't possibly wait long. He told me that all I had to do to call him was turn on the phone and hit the send button with the green telephone emblem on it. He had called his own phone with it so his number was the only number on the call list. He worried a little bit about the reception around the farm, but told me that there was a tower not far from where he had been working, and we had been meeting, so if I could go out there to make the call, that would give me the best chance of reaching him. He promised me he would answer when I called. He said if he couldn't get to it the first few rings, to call again, until he did answer.

I promised him I would.

The rest of the day we spent sitting close to the waterfall. We talked about all kinds of things. I had so many questions about the outside world, the bigger city, and I picked his brain all afternoon. I told him that I had been away from the farm several times, and had gone to busier areas, but I had never actually been in the city.

Edward asked me questions of his own. He wanted to know what life on the farm was like and what would happen if I did decide to get baptized. His voice seemed to go a little funny when he asked me that, but I answered his question honestly. If I did decide on baptism, I would follow the Amish way of life and eventually, marry either James or Jacob, since my father favored them, and begin the next step of life; however God had it planned for me. Edward asked me if I would have children and I felt my cheeks grow crimson. We never spoke of bearing children; it was simply unspoken of.

"Ah, umm...err. I, I, yes. Yes," I finally stuttered out.

That brought on another onslaught of questions from Edward, why I was so shy about speaking of having children and many other things. After a while, our questions died down a little and we decided to walk a little closer to the edge of the pond.

At the water's edge, Edward began to discard his socks and shoes. He had nice feet, and for some reason, I found them fascinating. I removed mine as well and picked up the edges of my long skirt so it wouldn't get completely soaked. We waded in the water for a while in silence. Edward rolled up his torn blue jeans and walked deeper into the water. I said a small prayer to God, hoping that Edward knew how to swim.

When our feet began to prune, we made it back to our blanket and sat there for a while and talked once again. Edward's questions had gotten a little more precise and he asked questions about my faith and the Amish community. I told him that we were Old Order Amish; one of the oldest and strictest in our rules and our faith. I told him the repercussions of leaving the lifestyle, and a little bit more about my Aunt Esme.

"When...or if, you call me, Bella, would you like to see your Aunt Esme?" Edward asked me.

I couldn't help the bubble of excitement I felt inside. I missed my aunt so much, and it would be so lovely to see her. I could also ask her all sorts of questions. I knew that she would make me think hard about what I wanted, very hard, and not let me make any foolish decisions regarding the rest of my life.

The afternoon went by quickly, and before I knew it, it was time for me to make my way back home. Edward packed up the rest of our picnic and placed it back in my basket. We folded the blanket and we made the journey back to his truck.

"I hope to see that waterfall again some day," I whispered as we walked up to Edward's truck. Edward opened his truck, took the basket from me and placed it in the front seat, then opened the rear door for me. I moved to get into the truck, but he stopped me.

"I hope that too, very much, Bella. You have no idea." Before he helped me into the truck, he took my hand and kissed the back of it. I was getting used to his touching and displays of adoration. I would miss it.

The drive back to our spot went all too quick, and before I knew it, Edward was quickly pulling me and the basket from the truck. He walked me over to the fence and helped me over it.

"I don't know what to say right now. There aren't words to express what I am feeling right now. Just...call me. Come back to me, Isabella," he pleaded with me.

The tears began to pour from my eyes again and I copied his move and lifted the back of his hand to my lips. "Goodbye, Edward."

I turned around and ran.

* * *

Leave me some love?


	3. One Phone Call

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. They belong to SM, but I'm just making Bella Amish :)**

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Chapter 3 – One Phone Call

When I finally returned home, I was on time, but I was still crying. Before I dared go in the house, I stowed the picnic basket in the barn and hid the phone under the many layers of my dress. Mother was nervous and flitting all over me when I finally entered the house, wondering what was wrong. I told her that I had twisted my ankle on my way home and that I was going to bed. I trudged up the stairs, pretending to baby a twisted ankle. Once in my room, I burst into tears all over again, and Mary-Alice ran to my side.

"Isabella, what's wrong?" she asked me. I looked up at her face and saw the concern, which made me cry all the harder from the guilt of the lies and the things I had been doing. I decided I needed to pray.

I fell to my knees, bowed my head, and silently spoke to God. Mary-Alice knelt with me for a while, but soon left to give me some privacy. I prayed to Him for help, for answers, but most of all, I prayed to him for the strength to make the most important decision of my life. If I never used that phone, never turned it on, I would live my life the way I was intended to, for the rest of my life. I would fulfill the needs of my family and of my community, and I would do my best to live my life as God wanted me too. I would end up marrying James or Jacob, preferably Jacob, and we would begin a family of our own.

For a while my thoughts wandered to James. He had always been kind to my mother and father, and had always made a good impression on our leaders, but I had always felt that something about him was off. I often caught him staring at me inappropriately and I knew he liked to cause a little bit of trouble for the other boys. I once overheard Emmett speaking to my father regarding an altercation James had caused with another boy at a bible study. My father, being the good man he was, defended James to Emmett, saying it was most likely a misunderstanding, and that James was a respectable man. I felt sorry for Emmett, he was confiding in my father, trusting in him, and my father stuck up for James. James expected to marry me, and he reminded me of it all too often. Little did he know, I had been talking to my father about Jacob.

It was no secret that Jacob was one of my closest friends. His mother had passed away when he was little and I would never forget the look on his face the day she was laid to rest. He'd looked like a lost puppy dog, and in reality, that's what he was. I'd felt sorry for him and had sat by him. He had cried on my shoulder and snotted on my dress and from then on, we had been very close. He knew nothing of Edward; I had barely spoken to him since I'd met Edward. I felt bad about that, but at the same time, maybe it was for the best?

_What should I do?_ I wasn't sure God had an answer for me. What would He say to someone who was contemplating abandoning their family and their community?

After my knees began to throb, I mechanically went through the motions of getting ready for bed. It was still relatively early, but the sun was down and I was exhausted. I pulled myself into my bed and once again, said a quick, silent prayer to God. _Please, help me,_ I requested of Him.

Sleep did not come easily to me. I tossed and turned, tormented by my thoughts about the future if I went and if I stayed. Mostly, I thought about Edward, and the look on his face when I'd turned away from him. It had been a look of total loss, of agony, of helplessness. That was how I felt through and through. At some point I drifted off, only to wake up from a horrifying dream. In my dream, I screamed for Edward and he screamed for me, but my Aunt Esme pulled him toward her and away from me, while James pulled me from Edward. I woke up screaming, which startled both of my sisters awake. They ran to my bed but I quickly ordered them back to bed so they could get a full night of sleep.

Long before my mother woke up, I got out of bed, knowing I wouldn't be getting any sleep. I quickly dressed and went out to the barn. Most of the animals were still asleep, but Bridget gave me a whinny and a snort. I pulled the brush from the shelf beside her stall and began to pull it along her brown torso. It was quiet in the barn except for the occasional noise from one of the animals, and suddenly, it felt too quiet, so I began to speak. I began to talk to Bridget and tell her all about Edward, everything I knew about him. I talked until my throat hurt and I had brushed and wiped down most of the animals in the barn. The sun was up by then.

That was when I knew I had made my decision. I knew that I had to try to go through with the plan that I'd thought up. I was going to have to talk to my father.

I finished the rest of my chores in the barn, there weren't many, and took a walk to see Jacob. His sister Rebecca said that he was helping one of the elders and that he was expected back around lunch time. I asked Rebecca for a piece of paper and wrote Jacob a note. In it, I wrote:

_Jacob,_

_You have always been my true friend, the best that I could have. I know that we talked about your intentions, but I don't think you could ever love me like that. And don't argue with me when you know I am right. I will miss you, but please know that I am alright and that I am being taken care of. And don't look for me. _

_Truly,_

_Isabella_

I folded the note over and handed it to his sister. "Please don't give this to Jacob until it is time," I requested of her.

"Time? How will I know when it is time?" she asked me.

I shrugged and told her, "You just will."

I headed back to my house and went directly to the field to find my father. I found him sitting on the ground, attempting to repair a wheel on the wagon the horse was pulling. Emmett stood at the back of the wagon, looking determined, but irritated. Jasper stood up by the horse's head, keeping it calm. I knew now would not be a good time to speak to my father, so I simply brought them some water from the well and returned to the house to help my mother. I would speak to him tonight, after supper.

"Where have you been today? Rosalie was looking for you earlier," my mother said.

"I visited with Rebecca Black for a short period and then I took water out to Father, Emmett and Jasper. The wheel broke on the wagon and Father was having some trouble with it. I fetched their water and left them alone."

At first she had looked as though she was cross with me, but her look softened after I told her I had gotten refreshments for my father and the boys.

Supper was livelier than usual and I couldn't help but laugh as Emmett retold the story about my father trying to fix the wheel from earlier in the day. My father grumbled a few times, but I saw him smirk as well; he was in a happy disposition.

When the table was cleared and all of the dishes cleaned and put away, I made sure my mother no longer needed my help and excused myself from the kitchen. My father sat on the front porch, rocking and reading his bible. He looked up at me when I came out onto the porch.

"Care to read a few passages with me, Isabella?" he offered. It was more of a demand than a request, but I obliged.

He read a few of his favorites and I read a few of mine, but then he cut to the chase. "Something bothering you, Isabella?"

I sighed and nodded my head yes. "Yes, father. I've made a decision," I told him.

"Well, go on, before your mother comes out here. I assume that is why you raced around to complete your chores after supper?" He inquired.

"Yes, Father. I...I," I stumbled over my words, looking for the right ones. They wouldn't come. "I think that I need to do something, before I take my baptism vows. Things have been changing in me the last couple of weeks. I have a curiosity growing, and I feel that if I don't fulfill it, I will get baptized, but for the rest of my life, I will wonder what that big world outside of all of this, our community, is like," I told my father very quickly. He didn't respond for a while and I worried that he didn't understand anything I had just said, or that he was angry with me.

"Please don't be angry with me," I pleaded with him, but he held his hand up, silencing me.

"Actually, Isabella, I think that may be a good idea. I thought you would partake in Rumspringa at a younger age, but you surprised both your mother and I, and never did. Rosalie went, and Mary-Alice went, but you never did. You are a bit on the old side for it, but I think this is just the right time for you." He paused before he continued, "Your mother won't take this lightly, you should know. I will talk to her and make her aware."

I sat there, knowing he wasn't finished yet. I heard my mother making light noises inside the house and knew that she was close to completing her duties. I opened my mouth to tell my father of this, but he spoke first.

"Be careful, Isabella, and be smart. Don't be gone long," he requested. I nodded my head at him and stood, just as my mother came out onto the porch.

"I'm turning in for the night; I didn't sleep well last night." I kissed my mother on the cheek and went up to my room.

I slept much better knowing that I would be making a phone call to Edward some time the next day.

~0~

I ran as fast as I could, which was probably faster then I had when I ran to Edward on our last day. By the time I was to our spot and standing close to the area where Edward had been working, I was panting hard and doubled over with a stitch in my side. I pulled the small black telephone from a pocket in my dress and glanced around, making sure there was no one around to watch me. I was alone, except for God.

I pushed the power button on the phone and it chimed to life. I pressed the phone to my chest to muffle the sound of it. Several moments later and after it quieted, I pulled it away from my body and looked at the blue display. Like Edward advised me, I pushed the send button with the little green telephone on it and saw several numbers appear on the screen. I put the phone up to my ear and listened to the loud tone ring on the other side.

It rang one, two, three times, and I felt my stomach tighten in nervousness. When I thought he wouldn't pick up, he did.

"Bella! You called! Oh, thank God, you called. How are you? Are you okay?" Edward quickly asked me through the telephone.

The little gadget was amazing and I was surprised at the clarity of his voice and how it truly sounded like him. "I'm well. I, I spoke to my father, and he isn't angry. I'm so relieved. Can you plan to come and get me tomorrow?" I asked him.

"Tomorrow? Yes, of course. Shall I get you at our usual spot?"

"Yes, that would be fine. When will you arrive?" I asked him as I thought about my night and morning.

"Would after lunch be okay? I have to work in morning, but after that I can come and get you. Would that be a good time for you to, uh, get away?" he asked the last part quietly, understanding that this was incredibly hard for me.

"Yes, that is perfect. I will get here as soon as I can."

"Okay. I miss you, Bella. I will see you tomorrow, alright?"

I felt the butterflies begin to flutter around in my stomach. "Alright. I will see you tomorrow, Edward. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Bella."

I quickly pushed the end button with the red telephone and pushed it again to turn the phone off. I returned it to my pocket and ran back home. I would have liked to go slower, spending more time taking in the last few looks of the farm before I would leave it for an undetermined time, but I had much to do. Most important, I had to write letters to my sisters and to my mother.

I kept the letters to my sisters short. I wasn't sure of what Rosalie would say to me if she had the chance, but I knew Mary-Alice would tell me to go with what I felt was in my heart. She had always been a little bit more emotional than Rosalie. I knew that they would take care of each other in my absence. I asked them to forgive me for leaving, but I had to find out what the world held for me, if anything. I told them I loved them, over and over again.

The letter to my mother was much harder. I didn't really know what to say to her. I told her I loved her several times, and that I couldn't explain it, but something inside of me was telling me to do this. It was only a partial lie, but I didn't think she would be ready for the full truth. I was afraid that she would be horribly disappointed in me if she found out that I wasn't sure I wanted to marry an Amish boy and live an Amish lifestyle, so I let her simply think that I just needed to be crazy for a little while. Most importantly, I told her not to worry about me. I planned to be away for a little while, but I was not sure of the timeline for the Amish community to decide whether I had left them for good. I would have to talk to my aunt about that.

When I crawled into bed I knew that I would have another restless night. I couldn't seem to shut my brain off and all of a sudden, I was worried about Bridget. She was used to me and I knew that it would throw her off to have someone else caring for her. I got myself into a panic over it and briefly thought about calling the whole thing off, but then Edward's face flashed into my mind, and I knew I had to do it. Somehow after a while, I finally fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning shortly after my mother had risen. I went down into the kitchen where my mother was cutting up a piece of pork on the counter-top and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind her. "I love you, Mother." I held my breath, trying to hold back my tears.

I felt a bit of resistance as she pulled away from me to turn around and face me. "I love you too, Isabella. Is everything alright?" my mother asked, as she pulled my chin up so she could see my eyes.

I nodded and replied, "Yes, I just had unpleasant dreams and I just wanted you to know."

"Oh, Isabella. Don't let your imagination run wild. Everything is just fine," she reassured me as she tucked a stray piece of hair up into my bonnet. "Now go do your chores."

I complied and left the house. In the barn, all was quiet and I went straight to work. Shortly before my father came to get Bridget, I begged her forgiveness for leaving and told her I loved her.

The morning moved by very quickly. Lunch came and went, and it was time for me to go. I went up to my room and retrieved the small knapsack I had packed as well as the three letters. I slipped my sisters letters under their pillows and my mothers under hers. They had all left just after lunch to visit another woman, a friend of my mother's, and quilt. It was the perfect time. I looked in my bedroom from the doorway one more time, a wave of nostalgia passing over me, but I berated myself. It wasn't like I wouldn't be back. Wouldn't I?

I ran from the house and all the way to our meeting spot without stopping once. By the time I got there I had a horrible stitch in my side, but when I came through the corn, Edward was standing there, waiting for me. He wore a glorious smile on his face. Quickly, he helped me over the fence, took my bag, and helped me into the front seat of the truck; sitting in the front made me nervous.


	4. Settling In

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, they belong to SM. I'm just having fun :)**

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Chapter 4 – Settling In

The first night away from home and with Edward, was...strange. He had bought me a couple pairs of pants and some shirts for me to put on, but I felt awkward in them. They were a little too loose in the waist and I had to wear one of his belts to keep the pants from falling down. He had also washed all of his bedding for me to sleep in his bed. He said he would sleep on the couch. I don't remember it happening, but Edward told me I cried in my sleep most of the night, and by morning, he was lying on top of the covers on the bed, holding me. I was startled when I woke, I wasn't used to touching a person of the opposite sex; but it felt nice.

There were so many things to get used to. The indoor plumbing, the washer and dryer, the dishwasher, telephones, traffic. It was all so overwhelming. The first time Edward turned the television on in front of me, I cowered in fear, almost waiting for the Devil's tongue to lick out at me. Instead, people moved and spoke inside of it. I was still wary of it and stayed behind Edward, if I could, when it was turned on. Something that astounded me in Edward's home was the refrigerator. I couldn't believe all of the things I found inside of it. Edward made me something to eat my second day there - I argued with him that men didn't cook. He told me it was quite the contrary, many men cooked, and some of them did it for a living. I allowed him to make the sandwich for me and nearly gagged at the flavor.

"This won't do, Edward. How can you call this meat? It doesn't taste like meat at all. I think I should do the cooking. Would that be okay?" I asked him. I didn't want to step on his toes, but I feared for his health if he ate that horrible food every day.

"I think that can be arranged, as long as I can help every once in a while," he teased me as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ears. I nodded at him in agreement and noticed that for once, I wasn't nervous when he touched me. I was getting used to it.

That was something else that was incredibly difficult to get used to. Not only were the clothes different, but my head felt bare. I was used to my bonnet and having my hair covered up. Edward seemed to love my hair though; I often caught him twisting the long strands around his fingers. I didn't tell him, but it pleased me that he did that.

I was at Edward's for three days when I finally worked up the nerve to go and explore every little inch of his home. He had begged me to do it the day I arrived, but I had not been ready. I had been mentally exhausted and feeling incredibly overwhelmed. When I had finally looked around, I was pleasantly surprised when I'd found a lovely reading area with an assortment of books. Needless to say, I'd ignored the rest of the loft after finding those; it quickly became my favorite place to relax.

On my fifth day away from home, I found out that Edward actually owned the company I had presumed he had been working for when we met. He told me that being the owner made it possible for him to make his own hours, but he still had to be there all the time. The next day was a Monday and I knew Edward had to work, so I decided I would make him a nice meal to prepare him for his day.

Edward finished the hearty breakfast I made him and went up to change into his work clothes. He came back into the kitchen in his work clothes and set a few folders on the island.

"Wow. That was an amazing breakfast, Isabella. You have to promise not to cook that much every morning though, or I may grow fat," he said, then chuckled.

"I think you could stand to put on a few pounds, Edward. But I promise not to cook that much…every day."

He laughed. "The same goes with you. You could easily stand to gain ten pounds." He smiled at me and then left for work.

When he was gone, I washed the dishes by hand, and put them all away. Edward had shown me how to use the washer and dryer, which I found that I loved, and so I folded the clothes that were in the dryer and put them away in his closet. After that, I had nothing to do.

Edward told me that his home was actually housed in an old warehouse that his father had owned and sold to him. There had been many things wrong with it when he'd bought it, but you couldn't tell now. It was beautiful and quite immense. The entire building was made of red brick and Edward had put up several walls himself as well as building the immense loft area. Most of the decorations, including his black leather furniture, felt masculine to me. He had lots of tiny little lights on the ceilings in every room and each little bulb pointed off in a different direction. There was also a television in a few of the rooms. I didn't know what other people had in their homes, but I found the television, or TV as Edward called it, in the front living area to be quite large.

His bedroom was up a set of metal stairs that opened into the loft area. He had a sitting area with chairs and several bookshelves that I was finding I already liked. Beyond that was his bedroom, but it was blocked off by what Edward called 'frosted glass'. There was a large bathroom just beside his bedroom, as well as a large closet that you could walk into. The closet was nearly larger than my bedroom back home. The other bathroom was downstairs, across from the kitchen. Edward had a room that he called his office where his desk and computer sat, along with many books.

The kitchen was my favorite place at Edward's. It had every kind of utensil, pot, pan, plate, or cup I could ever dream of needing. I had grown to like the electric coffee pot quite a bit, among some other things. I wasn't all that fond of the microwave oven, but the gas oven was quite nice, as well as the gas burners on top of it.

There was a lot of natural light in Edward's home. The west wall of the loft had many windows that, at times, made me nervous. Edward assured me that most of them were too high up for anyone to see into them; at night, Edward had electric shades that descended over them to give us privacy.

After my first entire week with Edward, I wrote a letter to my family. I didn't tell them much, and especially not that I was staying with a man, but I told them that I was well and that I loved them. I didn't know what they were thinking, but I knew it must be the worst. I was sure my father felt that I had betrayed him, as I believe he thought I would be returning home every night, like my sisters had. Just as I put the letters on the entry table by the front door, Edward walked in. He wore an exuberant smile on his face and I wondered what had made him so happy.

"You look quite happy. Might I ask why?" I inquired.

He lifted my hand up to his mouth and kissed it. "Can't I just be happy to see you?" he asked.

I felt my cheeks grow warm and simply nodded. "What would you like for supper tonight?"

Edward set his keys down and removed his shoes, placing them in the hall closet. "Well, I'd like to talk to you about that."

And that was how I met Angela and Ben. Ben worked for Edward and somehow they came upon the subject of the women in their lives. Ben told Edward that the beginning of his relationship with his girlfriend was hard, because she was ex-Hutterite and that they lived a bit like the Amish, just not as extreme. From the moment the word Amish fell from Ben's lips, Edward was all ears, and they decided to get Angela and me together.

I was relieved to have a friend. I was even more relieved to have Angela as a friend. She had had it a bit easier growing up Hutterite. She had grown up along the same lines that I had, but the Amish lifestyle was a bit stricter. Over dinner that night, I explained the rules of the Ordnung and the place of children and women in Old Order Amish. Women and children had no say; we worked, we obeyed our husbands or fathers, and we obeyed the rules. Life as an Amish was mostly lived in peace and if we found something to be funny, we held it inside. There was a saying in a book that, "The harder it is on earth, the sweeter it is in heaven." My life up until now had been a quiet one, lived in solitude.

We moved onto lighter topics after a while and Angela asked Edward if she could take me shopping. He said that it was up to me, but he agreed it was a good idea, as I only had two pairs of pants to wear and only a few more shirts; none of them fit. Angela joked that I was quite skinny, but I didn't see how she could say that, as she was skinnier than me. So two days later, she picked me up in a little red car with two doors and she took me shopping. Edward gave me a card that had his name on it along with many numbers. Angela called it a 'credit card' and asked me how much he told us we could spend. I told him he didn't give me an amount. She smiled at me and quietly said, "Somebody's got it bad." I didn't understand what she meant, but I didn't ask.

At first I was incredibly nervous about going out with Angela. I didn't know her very well and I was scared of how people would react to me, or I to them, without Edward by my side. It was unnecessary; Angela made me feel very comfortable. We had many things in common and so there was never a lull in conversation.

During our shopping trip, Angela advised me that there were some things I should probably do, to my body. She said that "English" girls shave their legs and armpits, pluck their eyebrows and wear make-up. She said that we would buy make-up for me, but I wouldn't need much with my good complexion. I didn't really understand why I would shave my legs and underarms and told her so. That was when our conversation turned to Edward.

"Do you like Edward, Bella?" she asked me. She had a small smile on her lips.

"Of course I like him, I mean, here I am, away from my family and with him," I explained to her. I thought she realized that.

"But I mean, do you _like_ him? When he touches your hand or your face, does it make you warm inside or your skin tingle? Do you want to kiss him?" She quickly rambled the questions off at me.

"I-I," I paused. Did I like him? Yes. Did I like him in the way that I wanted him to _kiss_ me? Well, yes. Definitely yes, but I couldn't tell him that. Could I? "I do. I want to kiss him, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What does having to shave my legs and underarms have to do with that, though?"

Angela let out a small giggle. "Because eventually, after some time has passed, kissing leads to other things," she said. "Things like sex, Bella."

I drew in a sharp breath. "Shhh! We must not speak of such things!"

She let out a hearty laugh at that. "One day, and probably soon, you will be more interested in those things. All I'm saying, is that you may want to shave your legs and pits." Angela lifted her foot up to one of the benches in the mall and pulled the leg of her blue jeans up. I got nervous and quickly looked around, but saw that nobody cared, or even paid us any attention. "Feel it," she demanded.

Slowly, I reached my hand down to her leg and felt it. It was smooth and I instantly decided I wanted my legs and underarms shaved. A slow smile spread across my face and Angela saw it as she lowered her pant leg back down.

"See?" She smirked at me and again we shopped.

I came away from the shopping trip with more clothes than I knew what to do with. I had also acquired several kinds of fruit-scented shampoos and conditioners for my hair, shaving cream, a razor and several refills for it, mascara, lip gloss, eye liner, and tweezers. I didn't know how to use most of the items, but she said she would teach me some time.

By the time she dropped me back off at Edward's, I had more bags then I could carry, but Edward heard us pull up and came out to help. Angela couldn't stay, stating she was meeting Ben for dinner, so I thanked her for taking me shopping and we promised to speak soon. Edward and I trudged up to the closet with all of my purchases and put them away. He looked through the various items I picked out and things Angela helped me pick out, and he seemed pleased.

"So, how was your shopping trip with Angela? How did it all go?"

I thought about his question, I wanted to answer him honestly. "Well, I'm grateful that Angela took me, but I think that I would have preferred it if you had taken me. I know that you want me to find friends, and I _do_ consider Angela a friend, but it was a bit overwhelming. But I'm also thankful for her help, and for your generosity. But I must tell you, I don't feel comfortable with you spending so much money on me."

"I wanted to do it for you. You have given up so much for me. And now, you should actually have some things that fit you. You did try this stuff on, right?" he asked as he folded a pair of my new jeans.

"Yes, I tried on every piece, and I must admit, I'm not a fan of shopping, at least not like that. It was a bit exhausting," I confessed.

Edward chuckled and replied, "I'm sure it was. It looks like you bought a store or two."

I was immediately nervous that I had spent too much. "I'm sorry. I tried to be frugal, but Angela wouldn't allow it. We can return some of these items, can't we? I don't need all of this Edward, I..." He held his hand up, stopping me.

"I didn't mean it like that. I don't care how much you spent. I want you to have clothes you like, and you need all of these things. Stop worrying, Bella," he said and smiled at me.

I relaxed and we put the rest of the clothes, shoes, and toiletries away in their respective places. Edward offered to find a place for the toiletries in the bathroom and I let him so I could quickly - and privately - put away my undergarments. A part of me was excited about sharing his space with him, but another part of me worried that he would later resent me for taking over his home. I would have to make sure we talked about that.

It took me two days after the shopping trip to work up the nerve to finally shave my legs and armpits. I told Edward I was going to take a bath and he said he would be in his office if I needed anything. I started the bathwater and began to line up all the products I would need along the edge of the tub. When I was completely undressed, I realized I didn't have a clue about how to shave my legs. I got the idea, but was scared that I would cut myself. I quickly put on Edward's puffy green robe, tying the cord tightly around my waist, and padded down the stairs and to the library.

Edward was staring at the computer with his brow furrowed. I cleared my throat and he looked over to me, then his eyes bugged out.

"I, ah...umm." I sighed, "I don't know how to shave my legs, and I don't want to call Angela, since it is kind of late."

Edward quickly stood up, forgetting there was an open book on his lap, and it fell to the floor. He quickly bent over and picked it up, but when he stood up quickly, he hit his head on the corner of his desk. "Ouch! Shit! Shoot! Sorry, sorry for swearing," he said quickly, as he clutched at his head.

I quickly went to him and pulled his head down so I could see if he was bleeding or if there was a bump. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just clumsy. Ah, come on, and, I'll, ah, help you," he mumbled, as he walked up to the bathroom. I quickly followed behind him and felt the butterflies begin to flutter.

Once in the bathroom, he looked at the tub and then to me. "I have to admit, I'm not sure how to do this without you exposing yourself. Not that I'd mind, but I know you aren't ready for that. So...what if you get in the tub and I will turn my back. You can place a towel over your body and when you are covered, I can turn back around and at least get you started. Does that sound alright?"

I thought about it for a moment and was unable to come up with another alternative, so I agreed. "Okay. Turn around then, Mister."

Edward gave me a dashing smile and turned around. I unknotted the rope of the robe and placed it on the chair next to the bathtub. I then grabbed a large towel and climbed into the tub. When I was fully submerged, I opened the towel and placed it over my body. It immediately soaked up water and clung to my skin. "Okay. I'm ready," I announced.

Edward waited another second and turned around. His eyes went wide for a second and he cleared his throat, but then came closer. He pulled the chair over so he could sit on it, took the shaving gel in his hand and squirted some out. "You need to stick your leg out of the water, Bella, or the water will wash off all of the shave gel. Rest your heel up on the lip of the tub," he advised.

I did as he said and without waiting another second, he began to spread the now foamy substance onto my lower leg. "I'll go up to your knee, and then you can try it yourself, okay? You are going to need a little bit more privacy to do your upper legs." Edward washed his hands off in the water and reached for the razor.

"I understand," I told him.

I intently watched his hands and he drug the razor up the bottom half of first my right, then left leg. After he did the first, I could have told him to stop, but his hands on my legs felt good. A part of me burned with guilt about that, but the other part burned with something else. Lately, I had begun to feel a true fire in me whenever I was around Edward. His little touches and hugs left me feeling a bit mushy. I hadn't yet told him as I was afraid to, but a part of me wanted to get past the fear. Would God really blast me to hell for touching or kissing a man I cared about so deeply? I couldn't imagine that he would.

When Edward finished with the bottom half, he handed over the razor and told me to do a couple of swipes just above my knees to make sure I wouldn't slaughter myself when he went out. I took a deep breath and slowly, pulled the razor over a small patch of hair above my knee. It was fine, easy, and I did not cut myself.

"I think you'll do fine, Bella. I'll give you some privacy. Come find me in the office when you're done?"

I nodded and resumed my shaving. After he walked out, I lifted myself out of the water and sat on the edge to finish the job.


	5. A Decision Made

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, they belong to SM. However, this story is mine, please don't steal, it's not nice.**

**This is the last chapter. Thank you for reading!**

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Chapter 5 – A Decision Made

On the thirty-third day away from home, I woke up with an ache in my chest. I untangled myself from Edward, as he had taken to sleeping on the bed with me since the first night I'd arrived, and trudged into the bathroom. Something was off; I felt, off. I didn't feel ill, and it wasn't an ache that made me worry about my health, it was something else. I tiptoed through the bedroom quietly after I finished in the bathroom and made my way downstairs. Edward preferred coffee in the morning, but I liked tea, so I set up the coffee pot to brew and I put a pot of water on the stove to boil.

Edward woke about forty minutes later and made his way down to the kitchen. He greeted me with a hug and a peck on top of my head. I smiled at him and pointed to the stool at the kitchen island's bar.

"I made chocolate chip waffles for you and cut up some fruit for breakfast."

Edward moaned and dove into the plate I set in front of him within seconds. I grabbed my own and sat beside him, methodically picking at my waffle. I had no appetite and still couldn't pinpoint what it was that was bothering me so.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Edward asked me as he swallowed a bite of waffle.

"I'm okay. Just not feeling very well today. But I would like to talk to you tonight, about finding some kind of work for me. I want to contribute. And thank you for asking about me," I quietly mumbled.

Edward nodded and we finished the rest of our breakfast in silence, well, Edward finished. I barely managed five bites. I took our plates to the sink and began to wash them while Edward went back up to the bedroom to get ready for work. He returned twenty minutes later ready to go.

"I'll call you at lunch time, but call me sooner if you need me, okay? And feel better, Bella."

I nodded at him, "Okay."

He gave me a peck on the cheek, grabbed his messenger bag and keys, then left.

The remainder of the morning was spent cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, and by the time eleven o'clock rolled around, I had nothing left to do. I decided a shower would be nice, and by the time I was finished with that, Edward would likely call.

Just as I thought, my phone rang shortly after I was showered, but not yet dressed. I quickly ran from the closet in my robe and down into the living area, where my phone was plugged in.

"Hello, this is Isabella," I answered.

There was a low chuckle on the line, then, "Hello to you, Bella, it's Edward. How has your day been?"

"My day has been good, a bit boring, but good. I think I need more things to do while you are at work. I don't feel as though I'm pulling my weight," I stated. I hadn't meant to unleash all of those feelings, but they kind of just flowed out.

"Yes. I think we can talk about that soon... Not that I think you owe me, not at all. But I was wondering myself if you were getting bored. But we can talk about that another time. I called to see if there is anything specific you would like to do tonight."

"Whatever you have in mind is fine, I'm sure."

We spoke for a few more minutes and hung up. I quickly went back upstairs to get dressed; I drug my fingers along all of the new clothes that Angela had picked out for me and Edward paid for. They were all so colorful, and I couldn't deny that I felt more alive, and maybe a little pretty when I wore them. The thought of actually thinking of myself as pretty brought an onslaught of guilt. I was plain. I couldn't forget that, it's who I was. As my fingers flitted over the clothes, they came to a rougher material. My Amish garb, my dress. I fingered the material and felt the tears spring to my eyes; I finally figured out what it was that had bothered me all morning.

I lifted my black bonnet from the shelf above my dress and left the closet. As I made my way down the stairs, I fingered the cloth strings used to tie it under my chin. When I got to the living area, I sat on the couch and fingered the bonnet. It was a plain black bonnet. No lace, no frills, just black cloth that was made to fit my head specifically. Back at home, I had one more.

Home. What did I call home? Where was home? Where did I feel at home? I couldn't say. What I did know was that I missed my family, my mother and my sisters most. I thought about the turmoil that they must have been going through, and that I was the one that caused it. I thought of Jacob, and what he must think of me. I knew for a fact that there would be horrible rumors going around about me. But then Edward's face came to mind. I thought about how patient he had been with me and how he made me feel comfortable and important. I thought about the way it felt when he touched me, and what those little kisses on my cheek and the top of my head meant to me. They meant everything. They made me want more, and part of me felt guilty about that, but mostly, it made me feel something else; something I couldn't describe.

I don't know how long I sat on Edward's couch, crying and memorizing every last millimeter of my bonnet. After a while, I heard a knock on the door and was startled out of my reverie. I had only ever had one visitor while Edward had been at work, and that had turned out to be the mail delivery man. I quickly made my way to the door and peeked through the little hole that allowed me to see who was on the other side _before_ I opened the door. I saw the worried face of Angela.

I wiped away my tears and opened the door for my new friend. "Hello, Angela. What brings you over today?"

"Hey, Bella. I got a call from Ben, who was talking with Edward. I guess he's a little worried about you. He - wait. Have you been crying? Are you alright?" Angela questioned.

"Oh. I'm alright. Just a little homesick, you know? I just woke up feeling different this morning, and I'm not sure how to get out of this dark spot I've fallen into," I explained to her.

Just then, I noticed that Angela held a hanger with a long black plastic bag draped over it. "What is that?"

Angela flitted around me, avoiding my eyes, and quickly began to walk up the stairs and toward our bedroom. _Did I just call it _our_ bedroom? _"Wait, Ang. I'm not sure Edward..."

"Relax, Bella. Edward gave me free reign of the closet and the master bathroom," Angela reassured me.

"This was Edward's idea?" I inquired.

"Yep. So relax. You know that neither he nor I would steer you wrong." She continued into the bathroom with me trailing her. She pointed at the commode. "Sit."

I complied and Angela immediately went to work. She began to plug contraptions into the wall outlets and set several little black squares of make-up on the counter. The last few items in her shoulder bag were hairspray and perfume. I grew nervous at the site of the perfume, I wasn't allowed to wear it - at least, I never used to be.

After all of Angela's "equipment" was warmed and ready to go, she started on me. I had no idea what kinds of things she was applying to my face, but as I sat there, I worried that I would soon look like one of those clowns from the circuses I'd heard about growing up. Time passed quickly with Angela talking to me as she worked. When she finished my make-up, she moved to my hair and began to roll long cylinder-like objects and pinning them to my scalp. It hurt a bit, but I didn't say anything. I've endured worse pain. She told me it would take a while for my hair to be ready for the "curlers" as she called them, to come out, so we went down to the living area and turned the television on. Neither of us really paid attention to the show, but we talked instead. She told me about how life was with Ben, and being away from the rest of her family. I told her how much I missed mine, and she understood, but said that she could never give up Ben, even as much as she loved her parents and six siblings.

I understood completely.

By the time I looked at the clock again, an hour had passed and Edward would be arriving home shortly. I still had the curlers pinned to my head and didn't yet know what was hidden under that plastic bag that now hung in our closet. _Again with the "our."_ "Ugh, Ang? Shouldn't we finish with my hair?"

"Oh! Goodness, yes! When do you expect Edward home?"

I glanced at the clock. "In about thirty minutes?"

"Shit! We have to hurry," she replied as she pulled me toward the stairs.

I stared at her wide-eyed as I followed her; I had never heard her use a swear word before. A part of me wanted to try it - sometime...maybe.

In the bathroom, I once again sat on the toilet and Angela immediately began pulling the pins and rollers from my hair. It felt good and my long hair held soft waves. When she was done removing them all, she immediately began twisting little pieces and pinning them to my head with what she called bobby pins. They weren't as painful as the roller pins.

With only minutes to spare before Edward usually walked in the door, Angela pulled me from the bathroom and shoved me into the large closet. "Put the dress on," she demanded.

I was confused; she wanted me to put my Amish dress on? She must have read the confusion in my face because she shook her head at me. "Not _that_ dress, the dress in the plastic. Now hurry!" she said and shut the door.

I quickly went to work removing my clothes and lifted the plastic from the dress. It was a rich blue color, and my eyes had never been graced by something so beautiful, at least, in the clothing area. I quickly lifted the dress over my head and maneuvered myself to zip up the back. I looked down at my feet, unsure of what shoes I should wear. I opened the door and saw Angela sitting on the end of the bed, waiting for me. "What shoes should I wear?"

"Oh! I forgot." Angela grabbed her bag from the floor and riffled through it. She pulled out a pair of blue flat shoes that matched the color of the dress perfectly. "Edward didn't think I should do heels, so I got these. Try them on."

I took the proffered shoes and slipped them onto my feet. They fit perfectly. Just then, the door opened downstairs. Angela quickly went into the bathroom and with one sweep of her arm, had all of the make-up and hair torture devices in her bag. I made my way toward the stairs to welcome Edward home, but Angela quickly walked in front of me. I let out a nervous giggle.

By the time I got to the top step of the staircase, ready to descend, Angela was already at the bottom. I glanced over to Edward and saw him staring at me intently. I quickly looked to Angela and saw her smiling.

"Alright, I think I am going to head out. Ben and I have plans. You two have fun tonight," Angela said as she turned one more time to look at me. She winked, then turned and left.

I was nervous and refused to look at Edward again, but slowly walked down the stairs, being careful not to fall.

Edward was at the bottom of the steps to meet me. "Bella, you look...so incredibly beautiful."

I smiled up at him and told him thank you. He reached over to the table at the side of the staircase and produced a bouquet of flowers, but they weren't just any kind of flowers. They were wildflowers. I felt tears well up in my eyes, but knew that Angela had put some kind of product on them, so I did my best to rein them in.

"They're beautiful, Edward. Thank you."

"Not nearly as beautiful as you, but you're welcome. Ah, do you think you could give me a moment in the kitchen? Have a seat, Bella."

I didn't know what he had up his sleeve, but I complied. I was afraid that if I sat down I would wrinkle the dress, so instead, I wandered over to the window in the office area and looked outside. The sun was still bright in the sky, but beginning to make its way more to the west. It would soon be twilight.

A throat cleared behind me. I turned around and saw that Edward had laid a blanket out on the floor of the living room, along with several pillows. It was reminiscent of our day at the waterfall. I smiled broadly at him and he returned it.

"I wanted to cook for you, but I had to work a little late, so I ordered us a meal in. Have a seat?" he requested.

I walked over to our picnic area and lowered myself, careful to lay the dress out under me and across my legs, both so it wouldn't wrinkle and I wouldn't expose anymore of myself. I noticed that Edward had changed his shirt and wondered how long I had been staring out the window. I must have been absorbed as I hadn't heard him do any of this.

Edward and I ate a lovely meal, he said it was Italian; it was incredibly delicious and filling. When he finished, he brought out something that he called tiramisu. After the first bite, I didn't want to stop eating it.

When we were finished eating, Edward pulled me up onto the couch beside him. I snuggled into his side, loving the warmth and security I felt with him. I didn't want it to end, ever.

"I have something for you, Bella," Edward whispered in my ear.

I turned to look at his face, and saw that his hand furthest from me was holding his telephone. I didn't understand.

He smiled at me, then said, "Flip it open and hit the nine button, then read the display."

I took the phone from him and did as he requested. "Esme Cullen" popped up onto the screen.

I quickly looked up at Edward, excited, yet nervous. "Really? It's really her?"

Edward smiled and nodded, but said nothing.

"Does she live here? Is she nearby?" I flung the questions at him, but I couldn't help it.

He chuckled. "Yes, she lives here, at least, the area code of her phone number says so. I'm not sure how far from here she lives though. You could give her a call and ask?"

I smiled, but felt the butterflies take action in my mid-section. I nodded, unable to speak.

"I'll give you some privacy. I'll just be in my office if you need me," Edward said, then left me with the phone.

I held my finger over the send button, nervous but excited. It had been years since I'd last spoken to my Aunt Esme. I missed her dearly. I hit the button.

As it rang I debated on hanging up, but before I could, the call connected.

"Hello, Cullen Residence?" a smooth male voice answered.

"Ah, ah, um, is this the residence of Esme, uh, Swan? Or Cullen?" I stuttered through it, nervous. I hadn't thought about a man answering the call.

"It is. May I tell her who is calling?" he asked.

"Um, tell her this is Bella." I told him. There was some muffling over the phone as I waited.

"Hello?"

"Oh my goodness, Aunt Esme! This is Isabella! How are you?" I flung the words at her at once.

"What? Isabella? Charles' daughter, Isabella? This is she?" she asked.

"Yes! Yes, it's me!"

"Oh my goodness child, you sound so grown up! The phone won't do, I have to see you! I assume that I can see you, since you are using a telephone?"

"Um, yes. You can. When?" I inquired.

"Tonight, of course. I can't wait to see you! Is that convenient for you?"

"Um, let me check..." All I had to do was look at Edward. He had heard it all and smiled at me, nodding his head yes.

"...yes. We can come over tonight. Where do you live?"

Esme gave me her address and Edward assured me that I didn't need to get directions. We planned to head over there immediately, so I quickly ended the call and promised to see her soon.

When I hung up the call, I felt my stomach turn a little. I wasn't nauseous per-se, but I was incredibly nervous. Why? I wasn't sure. It was my Aunt Esme, the least judgmental person I knew. She also left the Amish, and so I knew that she would want to talk to me and figure out was going on, as well as help me. I prayed that she could offer me some insight.

I debated changing for a moment, but I didn't want to waste any time, and I kind of liked the dress, and how Edward looked at me in it.

The drive to Aunt Esme's seemed to take forever. I asked Edward several times if we were almost there. After the fifth time, he was finally able to tell me yes.

We pulled into the driveway of a large white house about twenty minutes after we left Edwards'. As we walked to the door, I became more and more nervous. Edward must have noticed as he put his hand on the small of my back in reassurance.

I climbed the concrete step to the front door, took a long, deep breath, and knocked on the door with the little brass knocker. I turned around to look up at Edward. He gave me a dashing smile, a subtle nod, and just like that, my nerves dissipated. With him at my side, I knew that I could face anything. The thought both scared and excited me.

I didn't have much time to think about how I felt about that as the large red door was pulled open by a tall man with blond hair. He looked to be in his fifties or so, but I couldn't be sure, and wore a brown sweater with khaki pants.

"Hello. You must be Isabella? I'm Carlisle. Welcome to our home," Carlisle said as he waved his hand, inviting us in.

"Hello, Carlisle. It's a pleasure to meet you. This is Edward, my...uh..." I didn't know what Edward was. I didn't want to make him angry by saying the wrong thing. If I were home, I would say he was courting me, but I was playing in a new field. It was a whole different game.

"I'm Bella's boyfriend. It's a pleasure to meet you," Edward finished for me, not missing a beat.

My mouth dropped open at his confession and I watched Edward as he stuck his hand out and shook Carlisle's. At that moment, I heard a throat clear.

Seeing my Aunt Esme that way, uncovered and wearing "English" clothes, was one of the most extraordinary and startling things I had ever witnessed. I had only ever seen her in our traditional Amish garb, and rarely without her hair covered. I couldn't remember her ever being so beautiful, which made sense, since none of us were allowed to appear beautiful. Her hair was something of an auburn color and cascaded down over her shoulders in soft waves. She wore a black skirt that fell to just below her knees and a red blouse that had shell buttons and soft ruffles around the neckline. Her shoulders were left bare, as were her feet. I couldn't seem to look away from her bare feet until I felt Edward nudge me from behind.

I ran to my aunt and she enveloped me in her arms. I hadn't felt so at home since I had left the farm. Without meaning to, I began to cry. Esme walked us from the foyer and into the living area and sat us on the couch. For a quick second, I worried about Edward, but then heard Carlisle strike up a conversation with him. The voices became quieter until I no longer heard them and Aunt Esme sat back from me a little.

She handed me a tissue and I wiped at my face with it. I had so many emotions running through me, and there were so many things I wanted to say, but she beat me to it.

"I cannot believe what my eyes see, Isabella. You have grown into such a gorgeous young woman. Not that I'm shocked about that, but I am shocked to see you here, like this. It makes me so happy. How is everyone?" She paused, and I knew who she really wanted to ask me about. I gave her time. "How is Charles?" She finally asked.

"Father is fine. Working like usual. He has had Emmett McCarty and Jasper Hale helping him since last year. I think Emmett will be courting Rosalie soon, and Jasper may court Mary-Alice. I'd overheard Father speaking to Mother about it on a few occasions. But I think both of my sisters will be happy with that arrangement."

My aunt nodded. "So, you are here. How did you get here? I assume it has something to do with the handsome young man speaking to Carlisle?"

I felt the heat flood my cheeks and I quickly looked down at my hands, resting in my lap.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. Why don't you tell me about it?" she requested.

And so I did. I told her the whole story - from the day I accidentally met him while picking flowers, to our day at the waterfall, and up until he found her for me. As I told mine and Edward's story, she sat with rapt attention, never interrupting me to ask any questions. When I finished, she had a glorious smile on her face.

"Why are you smiling? Is something funny?" I felt a bit self-conscious under her gaze.

"Not funny at all, my dear. I'm just happy for you. Happy that you have found love, and so quickly," she stated.

"Love? No...I - I don't...I..." I couldn't finish. Was I in love? I mean, could I love Edward?

I thought about all the time that we had spent together, his confessions of the fear of losing me at the waterfall, and the way I felt in his arms every night and morning. I thought about how leaving him to go back to my family might possibly ruin me, completely split me down the middle.

After looking around the room but not seeing anything, I finally looked back at Aunt Esme. She wore a knowing smirk on her mouth, which grew to a full smile when I finally looked her in the eye. "You love him."

I bit my lip and nodded, then whispered, "I love him. Please don't say anything."

"I would never say anything, dear. I promise. But you have to tell him, let him know how you feel. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way."

"Really? Do you really think so?" I asked.

"I do," she said as she stood up. "Come help me get dessert on the table, you've eaten supper already, haven't you?"

I nodded and followed her into the kitchen.

Over dessert, the conversation was light and fun. Edward and Carlisle seemed to hit it off quite well and so the topics went from commercial electrical jobs, to Carlisle's responsibilities at the hospital, and to the organization that Aunt Esme ran. When we finished, we all went out onto the back patio. I sipped at my first glass of wine ever. The first sip burned and I gasped at the tingle on my tongue. Esme chuckled and patted my back.

"The taste gets better after time." I just nodded, still stunned by the flavor.

We talked for a while, but it was getting late. I knew that Edward had plans in the morning, and I also saw him hide a few yawns.

"I think Edward and I should be going now," I stated.

Esme nodded, then said, "Could I have a private moment with you, Bella, before you go?"

"Of course."

She walked me out to a little sitting garden and we sat on a wrought iron bench.

"Bella. Is it okay if I call you that? I heard Edward call you that earlier, and it suits you."

I nodded. "Yes, I like it too."

"I want to tell you a few things. They are important, so please, listen carefully."

I waited for her to continue, giving her my complete attention.

"Deciding to leave my family was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. I hadn't even met Carlisle when I left. I knew no one. But I knew that I couldn't endure that lifestyle for the rest of my life. I didn't believe in the things that we were taught. I wanted more, and I felt that I shouldn't be punished for that. Now, I don't blame them or think badly of them for what they believe. That is their choice, but this was mine. No one can make the decision for you Bella. The choice is only yours. To live Amish, or to live free. Whatever you decide, make sure that it is what you truly want. And please know that whatever you decide, I will always love you and I will always be here for you."

I threw my arms around her and hugged her tightly. I didn't know how she knew what I was feeling inside, but everything she had said made me feel so much better. "Thank you so much for saying that. It is exactly what I needed. I know that I have an important decision to make, but to be honest, I think it is already made."

I pulled away and wiped away the stray tear that slid down Aunt Esme's cheek. "I love you dear girl."

"I love you too, Aunt Esme."

We quickly said our goodbyes and I promised that I would call to get together again soon. The drive back to Edward's was quiet; I had much on my mind. Edward seemed to as well.

By the time we got home it was almost eleven o'clock. Edward and I quickly changed, him in the bathroom and me in the closet, and tiredly climbed into bed. For the first time in a long while, Edward fell asleep before me. His breathing evened out and I felt his warm breath fan over my cheek. And just with that, something in me changed, something I couldn't pinpoint. The only way I could describe it, was to say that I wanted to drink his breath, his air. And I wanted to kiss him.

I pulled his hand away from my waist and pressed my lips to the back of it, leaving a soft kiss. I turned to look at him as he slept, admiring his features and the way he wanted to protect me, even in his sleep.

And I whispered to him, "I love you, Edward." Then I closed my eyes. We would need to have a talk tomorrow.

~0~

Edward was up early and out of the house before I could make him breakfast. I wasn't offended as I had a task that needed to be completed. I needed to write my family, and tell them that I wouldn't be coming home.

I sat down to write the letter with my glass of warmed milk but was unsure of where to start. The first sentence was the hardest; just writing Mother and Father had me in tears. After that, the words just flowed. I told them about how I never felt like I had fit in, never made the right kind of Amish girl. I wanted too much from the world when I wasn't supposed to. I told them not to worry about me, I had found Aunt Esme and she was well and promised to help me. I also told them that I had found love, and I couldn't walk away from it. I also asked them to not believe any of the rumors they would hear, because they would hear them, and they wouldn't be pleasant. But most of all, I asked them to trust that I loved them, and that I never meant to hurt them, but I needed this. Like Aunt Esme said, I needed to _live free_.

When Edward returned home, I handed him the letter and asked him to read it before I sent it. He went and sat on the couch and began to read. When he finished, he looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

"You love me?"

I nodded. "I do. With all of my heart."

"Oh, Bella. I love you so much. I think I have since that first day, and I don't believe in love at first sight. But you're it for me," he said as he pulled me to his chest.

"You're it for me, too, Edward."

After several moments I pulled away from him, so I could look in his eyes. I didn't know any other way to convey my sincerity. Slowly he began to lower his face toward mine, and a bubble of nervousness lodged in my throat. I refused to give it attention. Edward was going to kiss me, and I was truly scared, but I also wanted it more than anything.

He came closer and closer, and finally, it was up to me to move the last little bit. I reached up on my tip toes and slowly, softly, brushed my lips against his. Just that feel, that sensation, was enough to drive me crazy. It was and wasn't enough. I felt his hand come up to cup my cheek and he kissed me this time, with a bit more pressure. It was a sweet kiss, and my lips rejoiced at the feel of his on mine. They were soft, full, and smooth like satin.

We kissed like that for several moments, but my toes began to hurt, and I assumed Edward's neck began to hurt, because he quickly pulled us over to the couch. He fell onto the couch and pulled me onto his lap; his lips immediately returned to mine. This time, our kisses turned a little more urgent, with both Edward and I angling to get better access. I felt his tongue on my lower lip and I gasped, shocked. I had never kissed a boy before and I wasn't sure what all it entailed. I grew nervous again, but then remembered, this was Edward, and I could trust him. His tongue licked along my lower lip and I slowly slipped my tongue out to meet the tip of his, ever so gently.

Edward moaned. "Oh God, Bella. More. Kiss me more. Please."

I kissed him more and stuck my tongue out to lick his lip. He groaned in pleasure and stuck his tongue against my mouth, putting pressure against my lips. I opened my mouth to him and his tongue was immediately in my mouth, seducing my own tongue. I had heard about this kissing, but up until now, had found the thought of it disgusting. This was anything but - Edward's lips on my lips and his tongue in my mouth, dancing with my own, was pure beauty. I wanted to kiss him forever.

At that thought, Edward removed his mouth from mine and I whimpered at the loss, but he began to trail kisses down my neck. I started to squirm at how wonderful it felt. Part of me worried that I was committing horrible sins. Sins that I would never be forgiven for, but the rational part of me knew that Edward would never lead me to hell. He loved me.

He loved me.

We continued to "make-out" as Edward called it, for a while until we both broke away from each other, gasping for air. I broke out into a fit of giggles and Edward prodded at my sides, tickling me. That was when I knew, without any doubt whatsoever, that I had made the right decision. The decision to stay.

Life was so odd. I felt like I had been going through my days like a body without its spirit, its soul, before I met Edward. Then, everything had changed. It changed for the person it wasn't supposed to change for, but I couldn't stop it, didn't want to stop it. I lost a lot in my decision to stay with Edward. I lost the respect of my parents and I lost the companionship of my sisters. But I knew above all else, that I hadn't lost their love. I knew that they would always love me, no matter what, even if they couldn't show it or speak of it. I chose to leave my Amish family to be with Edward because I knew that I couldn't let him go. I felt my future in him and that was not something I was willing to give up.

Like Aunt Esme said, it was my life to do with it as I pleased. I took her words to heart and knew she was right. If the rest of my family chose to stay and live the Amish way, I accepted that, understood that. It was the only way they knew and it was how they wanted to live their lives. It wasn't the way I wanted to live my life, so I changed it for the better. I decided to choose a new path, with Edward; a new path to _Living Free._

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Let me know what you think?


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